Irreversible

For five years I watched each Saturday
slip behind the dying sun.
leaving all my work undone.

For five years I begged "I want my life back."
Knowing if I didn't answer on the second ring,
I'd hear about it for days.

For five years I compared avocados,
argued over the dime she never dropped.
Wishing her tormented mind was not entrusted to me.
I spoke the truth "I want my life back."

For five years I put my life on hold,
sandwiched between her fading memories
and whatever personal time I could steal.

For five years crying on the shoulders
of my family, shirking their needs,
screaming "I want my life back."

For five years I watched her fade.
One day at a time,
not as a curtain closing the play's last act,
a velvet sweep through her busy life.
But sadly… fade… to… black.

Five years have passed since her casket closed.
I want the woman who treated store clerks with respect.
I want the mother who laughed at my jokes.
I want my mother back.